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Comparisonitis is the thief of joy, it’s the energy of unworthiness, as compared to others or to where we think we should be, and it’s a huge problem when it comes to stepping forward into your power in life and business.
We all do it – but what can we do about it? I’m talking this through because it’s something I see in clients and women I have been journeying with in my own studies, and it’s origin and impact can be subtle, yet run deep. It can stop us believing in ourselves, trusting ourselves, and fulfilling the soul purpose we’re here to live out. It can keep us poor, stifled, unfulfilled, and afraid. And it’s time we cut through the BS to be more of our wild, powerful selves, so we can be the leaders we need to be, and be supported to do what we’re here to do.

tune in to hear:

On ep 83 of my Wild Flow podcast I’m talking through
  • Why we compare ourselves as a root cause and some of the common triggers that paralyse us,
  • How it shows up in my menstrual cycle, and how I can watch out for this in my life and biz,
  • The harmful effects of comparing ourselves to others, and the ways it keeps us small and scared,
  • Embodied, cyclical and energetic strategies for breaking free from this energy when it strikes, so we can step forward and own our individual worth, magick and power.

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Charlotte: It makes me really sad when I see people who are just so full of healing and knowledge and wisdom and are here to be leaders and they know it, but they’re just so afraid of it that they don’t do anything about it. I see it so freaking often. Hopefully something in this is supported for you to help you to see if, how and when you shrink back and contract and you have some sort tools of around how to actually move forwards. Because we need you. The world needs you so hard. We really need you. We need your healing, your magic knowledge, wherever you’re at. So it’s important to fix this so that you can release yourself from this paralysing bind. It’s time to stop playing small. You need to free your energy and your mental load and your creativity so that all of the energy can go towards something useful. It’s time to step into your power. It’s time to do what you’re freaking here to do.

Welcome to the Wild Flow Podcast with me, Charlotte Pointeaux. An award-winning menstrual cycle coach and priestess and the founder of First Moon Circle School. I guide women to honour and embrace their sacred cycles in their life, leadership and business. Let’s say hi to my more ease and flow by co creating with your body and goodbye to struggle and burnout. This podcast features soul enriching conversations inspiring you to love your cycle, lead as a sacred leader and grow a life and business that serves you by harnessing cyclical life and business practices. Join me and other changemakers, thought leaders and wise women to embrace and embody your wild flow.

Hi and welcome back to Wild Flow Podcast with me, Charlotte Pointeaux. How are you today? I hope that you’re well. For me, I’m cycle day seven and I’m feeling a slow and gentle ease out of what’s been a long wintry week for me. I felt like I had a really beautiful autumn with the last cycle. There wasn’t really any PMS, there wasn’t moods, there wasn’t exhaustion and like “oh my God, I just don’t have anything left”. There wasn’t a real separation and need to retreat. But also I had a really busy weekend. I had four days down in Melbourne which was incredible. I went down for a beautiful you coaching academy, which was the life coach academy I trained with initially. They had an inspiration day and they had their gala ten year awards and I was a finalist for coach of the decade in the life stage category and it was an incredible few days. My friend came along and we just hung out and chatted non stop and were so inspired that she’s doing the training, too.

I got to see people who I’ve been connected with online, in person sometimes for the first time ever. And the energy in the room, both rooms over both days, was just wild. It was so inspiring and activating. It was like fire and heart all at once. It was like a soothing balm, but also a real energetic shake up. Like, come on, let’s do this. Remember why you’re here. Get back to what you’re really passionate about, and let’s go. So I felt like I didn’t get this time to retreat over the weekend. I spent Saturday having my hair and makeup professionally done, which was lovely, and getting all glammed up. And then we went to these awards, and I was dancing till nearly midnight. And even though I was on day one of my cycle, I just felt so in my heart and so beautifully connected and able to be myself and to just listen to my body. But I did have to push through.

You know, normally, I spend my day one or day two, really lying low and often in bed and having a long lion and a nap and, like, outsourcing as much as I could. And I certainly would never, you know, cycle sync events like that to my, you know, if I had a choice. But needs must. So what I did notice was by the time I got home on the Sunday and I’d flown home, and then it was straight back into the final few days of my kids at school. And we had the kindy festival one day and then the big school festival the next day. They have seasonal festivals at the end of every term. So this was the autumn harvest festival, and it was so special.

And then last night, I had my jiu jitsu grading night. And I’ve spent the last three weeks really, really working hard, really training hard, really using my brain, trying to remember these 35 sequences that I had to perform for my third stripe. So it was really taxing mentally to remember the name and the order and what all these moves were, and then physically, to keep practicing, practicing, practicing, practicing, practicing to get these moves absolutely technically perfect. And last night, I took my kids along and they had their grading first. It was beautiful. I got to give my middle daughter her third stripe on her grey white belt. And then my oldest daughter got her new grey belt. She got a promotion, which was so beautiful, I got to give it to them both. Then I had my own performance to do my own grading and to celebrate everybody else, and we just had a really wonderful time. So this last week has been high energy out there, physically, mentally demanding. And I’m really curious to see how it’s going to shape me over the next few weeks, how this cycle is going to play out.

Because my next period, I’ll actually be fresh off the airplane in the UK. I can’t believe it. I’m going to be in the UK in three weeks time. It’s kind of blowing my brain a little bit. So, yeah, I’m just going to be really watching. And I think this means that now we’re on school holidays for all of those next three weeks until I jump on the plane. So I’ll be with my children and I’m actually just going to invite us all to have a big rest. I’m gonna be present with them and slow down. And I’m not, you know, I don’t have any days of work scheduled in. I’ll have to take some here and there. And if I can be flexible with my husband because we don’t have care in the holidays, we don’t have family down here, so I’m going to have to see what I can do. But I just want to be gentle with myself.

And so my priority is to not hold back because I’m also, this month is all about, for me, talking about what I’ve got coming up in May and June, and I’m starting a brand-new cyclical business mastermind that I’m just absolutely so excited about and so full of fire and just feel the passion for. Because I’m on a mission to help as many women remember their power to stand in that power to live and work deeply on purpose to create an abundance and the money kind, but also all those other measures of success that feel abundant to you. So maybe that’s having more time and space and ease or presence at home. Maybe it’s more time for exercise. Maybe it’s time and money and energy to prioritize on your health. Maybe it’s more time in your relationship. Maybe it’s to not work every day so that you can spend a day out in nature. Maybe it’s to get a massage, like, whatever it is. Seriously, abundance comes in so many shapes and sizes.

I think that it’s really important that we remember when we create a business, we’re doing it because we want freedom in some kind. Maybe that’s to honour the season of life we’re in. Maybe that’s because we’ve burnt out and felt really pressured to do things that don’t light us up or to work in a certain way and or not receive the money that we’ve been deserving of, had of having. Maybe we’ve been overworked and underpaid and we actually really want to come into a service-based business as a coach or a space holder or a healer or some kind of practitioner. And ultimately, we start off knowing that we don’t want to work in those ways that burn us out, but then we don’t really have a role model of another way to do it. So we fall back into those hustle capitalist kind of ways. We listen to mentors who tell us not to leave money on the table, which is an expression I heard someone say at the beautiful you inspiration day and I thought, yes, that resonates hard when we hear people say like, you know, let’s squeeze all the money out of someone that we can, lets charge absolutely whatever we possibly can get away with instead of whether that feels aligned and true for us, whether its, you know, we want to take back the money that we’ve probably missed out on in previous life, work times and workplaces.

But actually what were really craving is to be able to listen to our body, to honour the season of life were in and our desire to be present and value and prioritize these other measures of success and to feel abundance in all these different ways as well as earning what we want to earn, to sustain everything, to make it all possible. So as part of this mission, I’m really, really on a journey. I’m in process of really speaking about what cyclical business is and why its important, but also what it looks like, what it actually looks like and what’s involved. And so it involves leadership. So seeing ourselves as a leader, a thought leader, a leader for people who are on a similar path to us, but a step or two or a few behind us, leading from a place of determination in whatever we’re here to bring in our way of doing things in our medicine and our magic, being here to change and create good in the world, it’s about honouring our cycle. So whether you have a menstrual cycle, really working with that and knowing you don’t have to be consistently on at 100% every single day and pushing through honouring your cycle and knowing that rest is as important as doing, envisioning and reflection is just as important as all that planning and achieving and delivering everything has its time in its place and that honouring that instead of feeling like oh, I’ve got to do this or everything’s going to crash and burn is so important.

And so if you don’t have a menstrual cycle, whatever seasons and cycles, whether its simply the earth, seasons and cycles or the moon that you’re following to remind you of the fact that its important to have these times for other activities. The ebbs and flows are important, that we might not make money every single day. And that doesn’t mean we’re failing, that there’s a bigger picture, that we’re on a bigger mission here. And so the other part of it is the strategy. What do we need to put in place? It’s like the masculine energy that holds all of this feminine service and cyclical energy. It holds it all. It gives it shape and structure and meaning. And it’s because of this structure that we don’t need to be on all the time. It’s because of this structure that our clients get loved on all the time, even when we’re not on, even when we’re living our life, even when we’re with our kids or we’re napping or we’re dancing around in nature. Whatever it is, it’s the how, it’s the structure. It’s these processes as well as the energetics and the mindset and bringing forward your magic, your offerings, your, your leadership.

So this is what I’m going to dive into a little bit of today and talk, really about comparison, because I think that this is something that just comes up for so freaking many people, especially women, when we are growing a business, that means that we’ve got to show up, share ourselves, be ourselves, put ourselves forward, and call people in. But also when we’re wanting to do cyclical business, comparison is the thief of joy. It’s measuring yourself against others in the same field. So that might be friends, colleagues, and family might be your bestie or your sister. And we all know that in families, there can be a lot of competition that’s created between children, siblings in childhood, and that just continues on for the rest of life. And it can be so harmful, but it could be your teammates, it could be just other people, peers who are doing a similar kind of work. Maybe it’s people that you see on Instagram, just for example, or you’ve been in a coaching or a course container with someone and you identify them as being somebody who’s maybe at a similar point, or somebody who even is ahead of you, and you see them as successful and you decide that they’re like your yardstick of where you want to be. Either you want to meet them or you want to be better than them and stay ahead.

Our brains want to measure and compare so that we feel safe, so that we belong. It’s an ancient part of our reptilian brain, this idea of measuring ourselves through other people. And our brains haven’t evolved out of doing that, so we’re still living with it and it’s a real problem. It’s, you know, we’re safe today generally, most people, in terms of our work. So of course there’s unsafe situations happening all the time for lots of people. But what I really mean here is like the witch wound. So the witch wound isn’t there today in the same way that it has been over the past few hundred years where, you know, you could literally get burnt at stake for doing any kind of healing, coaching, service-based work. So it’s like all these wounds live on within us in our DNA and, you know, we can compare ourselves, we can shut ourselves down. But really, yeah, I want to zone in on comparing yourself and stopping to play it safe. So just like with the witch trials, comparing yourself. So a comparisonitis is contagious. The thoughts grow like a disease, and it takes over. And when it does, it’s all you can see and think of and energetically, it just shuts you down and drops you into a really low energetic vibration. It puts you into a place of fear and scarcity and we can’t do anything creative from there.

So it’s really harmful because it stops you putting yourself out there. You can’t show up if you’re feeling not good enough, if you’re feeling afraid, comparison can stop you. It can overwhelm you. It can literally paralyse you in your tracks. It can get you to the place where you feel like you’re not good enough, so why bother? Or, you know, you sort of tell yourself it’s a done deal, that it’s not going to work and so you shut down. It can also show up as wasting time and energy because you’re just, while you’re just spinning, you’re spinning through these thoughts that aren’t helpful. And the more you think them, the more you feel them and the more they take over and lock your energy down to the point where you can’t move, you can’t think, and you can’t see beyond this. You’ve absolutely lost contact with why you’re doing what you do and the power that you actually hold inside you to be able to do this. And you play it small.

So all of that energy that could be going into creating and leading and showing up and calling people in and creating that abundance is actually just going into spinning, spinning, spinning. And it’s almost like I have a visual of, like, the corkscrew that’s going down, and it’s, like, driving you deeper into the earth, like, deeper down so that you’re stuck. And when we do this, we play small. And this is what the patriarchy wants. It wants us to play small. It wants us to not be seen. It wants us to be so afraid of the consequences of being a magical, healing, service based entrepreneur. A woman who shows up in her power, who steps out of corporate or employment or whatever your past work situation was that had you overworked and underpaid and just doing what you had to do to get by, it gets us to a point where we feel like that’s easier, that’s safer, because there’s a lot less risk, because we don’t need to compare ourselves, because we don’t need to show up just as ourselves and who we are and put ourselves forward. It’s putting us in that place where we’ve internalized all that fear so other people don’t actually need to do that anymore. We’re doing it to ourselves. It can show up as self doubt, where we just deeply question ourselves, second guess every single move. If I do it like this, is that right? What will people think? And it’s sort of like we’re looking to get validation from other people, too, before we make our move, instead of knowing that actually we move first because we’re the leaders. It makes you think you’re not good enough and you’re not ready. And so you pause. You feel like you don’t have everything you need. You don’t have all the training, the learning, the knowledge, the life experience. You’re not ready yet. And so you decide, I’ll be ready or happy or whatever, when. And that might be you’ve taken yet another course, or you have got whatever clients, or when the kids go back to school, or when I reach a certain age, or when I finish doing XYZ. In truth, that time of being ready and happy is never actually going to come. It’s a myth and an illusion. And with integrity. It’s better to act sooner, to get started before you’re ready and share the journey, share the process, share the thinking behind it, share where you’re coming from, and invite people to share that long before you actually start putting anything out there.

This idea of perfectionism is so tied to comparisonitis, because you’re seeing all your flaws reflected back to you when you look at somebody else. Oh, look at them. They’re amazing. They’re perfect. They’ve got it covered. They’re better than I am. And you see in yourself all the ways that you don’t feel good enough yet. And so we decide, if it’s not perfect, I’m just not going to do it at all. Better to just hide and wait. But perfectionism is a mask. It’s a strategy for delaying, for keeping us small and paralysed, and still, there’s no such thing as perfect, only progress. And I always say that to my kids, to the point where my kids say, there’s no such thing as perfect. I heard someone say, perfect. There’s no such thing as perfect. And I’m like, okay, well, that’s, you know, there is, obviously. But I really want them to just feel like it’s about progress. Did you make progress? Did you learn anything? Even if it was a hard lesson learned, what did you get out of that experience? What’s your next move? Instead of going, it has to be perfect or I’m not going to bother.

And this obviously just goes back to school for so many women, particularly where boys are celebrated for their efforts. Oh, you did good. You know, whatever. Like, whatever they did is like, is a good effort. Whereas for girls it’s like, oh, you could do better. Like, it better be perfect the way that, you know, I see, I remember myself as well just, you know, wanting things to be presented perfectly, not wanting to put my hand up and even have a guess because I just didn’t know if I was right or perfect. And I just absolutely, as a child, could not even have a go. And it’s been a real journey for me as an adult to go, fuck off. I’m not even going to be shut down or scared of having a go because my guess or my opinion is great and I’m celebrating myself for even trying. It’s like when somebody says, you know, does anyone have any questions? And I go, oh, my brain wants to go, oh, is that a good question? What can I ask? And then I just, my brain kind of shuts down a little bit and I go, oh, just hide. It’s like being a kid again.

Business can really bring up all of your shit and shadows. So if you were a perfectionist at any point in your life, even if you’re recovering now, it’s sure as hell going to come up for you and play into this idea of comparison and ultimately into keeping you small and safe. When we just hold back and dim our light, we’re doing ourselves such a disservice. And those who need us, when we hold back, we’re not progressing towards a potential. And wherever you’re at, whether you are just, just beginning or you have been doing this for a while, we’re always evolving. Like, I’ve been in business for over five years, like six years now. And my work has evolved so much, so, so, so much since I started off. And that’s great. So if you’re thinking, oh, it needs to be all perfect, all mapped out, I need to have my, my niche, my offers, my whole branding and strategy perfect before I can even get going. I just want you to know that is such a fucking myth and is just really, really limiting you. Instead, we need to come at it from a place of play and creativity and trust and to see this as a lifelong evolution.

When I started off, I was doing mentoring, mentoring and workshops in my community for girls on different self care topics, friendships, body image, that kind of thing. And I hadn’t even thought of working with women. I thought, oh my gosh, no, I don’t want to work with women. I don’t have anything to offer them. I can’t do that. And after a while, as I was starting to hold women’s circles in my local community, I realized, oh, maybe I could actually do like one on one work with women. Maybe I actually could do that. And over time, as I added coaching to my toolkit, I started off doing self care work with mums on sacred self care, helping them to really drop into not just a bubble bath and not putting themselves last, but helping them to feel their worth and their value and to really honor that process of becoming themselves, finding themselves in motherhood. And from there I started doing cycle work. And first moon circles came along and I went really into period coaching. And then it became more shamanic and womb wisdomy and rites of passage focused. And then it became more about taking people on their spiritual journeys through their cycles into their inner healing and their transformational processes. And now more recently, as the women that I work with all tend to be coaches, space holders, practitioners of some sort, women who have their own business or desire to. It’s become really about, okay, how can we bring our cycles and our seasons into how we work? Because, okay, we’re following our menstrual cycles or the moon or the seasons, but are we actually practicing what we preach and really integrating and embodying it, or are you still just like, you know where you’re at in your cycle, but you’re actually just burning out, you’re actually still working too hard? So how can we actually bring the cyclical approach into our business? And lead from that place.

So it has been a bit of an evolution, and I got no idea where I’m going be in a year, five years. Like, I just don’t do those plans. It’s like, because, I don’t know. I’m also really focusing on my priestess work, and I’m doing training, very deep and intensive training on that this year, too, which is amazing. So I am just on this constant spiritual journey as a human, but also as a coach and a space holder and obviously as a priestess, too. So I’m really committed to trying and seeing what works, trying out ideas, trying out offers, trying out my opinions, seeing what others are interested in, finding a way in creating all the time and just showing up deeply, authentically as me. But if we’re comparing ourselves, we can’t do that.

Hey, have you discovered your sacred cyclical leadership style yet? Take my juicy, free archetype quiz to discover your primary style as she shows up in you and in the way you create, lead, and share your big magic in the world. By taking the quiz, you receive an in depth, juicy playbook featuring a full breakdown of how the archetype lives in you and tips, tools and strategies to expand your archetypal gifts, nourish your vulnerabilities, and come to balance so you can lead, grow, and serve at your highest potential. Understand how your archetype is linked to your menstrual cycle and the seasons of life and business. And ultimately have so much fun taking this magic mirror quiz, go to charlottepointeaux.com/quiz. And in case you’re wondering, mine is the mystic. How about you? I’d love to know which result you get.

So when can comparison show up?

It shows up for me when I’m feeling scarce. So if there’s ever a moment where I feel exhausted, that can tip me into feeling scarcity, usually around time and money. So, oh, this money is just going to dry up. Or, you know, I’m not going to. What if something happens and I can’t make any money? What if I don’t have enough? Oh, I don’t have the time I need as a mother to be present for them, be present for me, be present for my relationship, run a life in a house, and look after myself. And then I go, oh, wow, it makes me just shrink, energetically shrink. And I start to feel that contraction, and then I start to compare myself, doubt myself, and hide and withdraw. It can definitely come up when I’m about to be visible. So if I’m about to put myself out there in any way. So it can come up when I’m literally just making, making a social media post or recording a podcast, like now. But most of all, it comes up in times where I really have to, like, be seen for what I’m doing.

So if I’m launching, like, I’m about to be launching this cyclical business mastermind, then I can get into my head. It has happened before where I’m all like, what if I’m not doing it right? What if no one comes? Look at so and so? I make these metrics in my head that aren’t even always about comparing myself to somebody else. It’s just comparing myself to where I think I should be or I set an expectation for myself that feels beyond, like it’s too big. And I think there’s a beautiful sweet spot with setting goals and, you know, desires around what you’d like to achieve out of something. That point that’s like too small, it’s not stretchy enough, it’s not exciting. Then you find that spot where you’re like, woohoo, that would feel amazing. And then you go too far and it’s like, oh, I can’t hold that. I can’t meet that, that’s too big. And I think you want to be in that sweet spot. Like, it’s challenging enough, but you’re not just automatically tipping yourself. It’s like when you snap an elastic band too far. So it depends for me on how I’m feeling about what it is I want to achieve. And if I feel like there’s something I need to achieve, you know, that can be just too much pressure, and pressure sends me into the spiral.

I was up as a finalist last week and it was beautiful. I really enjoyed that. I was very visible, I was very seen. But a couple of years ago, I won their biggest award of the year, the international coach of the year. And that sent me like, into a bit of a, it was so big that I didn’t have the capacity at the time to hold that and I didn’t feel like I really deserved it or had earned it or I was comparing myself. And so I felt like I had to really do a lot of work to expand my capacity to hold that, which took quite a bit of work, whereas this time I was in a room with such a lot of big, big hitters, I didn’t win, but I still felt like I deserved to be there and I really had earned that. And so those kinds of things can really bring up for me those challenging moments. But yeah, as I will share. There’s a lot of work that I do to really hold myself through launching, through awards, through these really visible times to hold me so I don’t drop into these spirals. But comparison can also come up in this doubt about during your cycle.

So in the menstrual cycle, for me, it comes up in my. I think there’s two times where it comes up. The first is in my inner spring. So as I just start to get going again after my bleed, I get the sense of, it’s like the huge mountain is in front of me. And when it feels big and when I think of all the things I want to achieve, that sort of pressure can make me feel small again and again. It’s that sense of, wow, this is too much. So do I have what it takes to start and succeed? And then the other time is in the premenstrual time where I’m thinking, did I achieve what I wanted to this cycle? Have I done enough? Am I running out of time? Did I get as far with it? Is it as good as I wanted it to be? So again, these two energies of pressure, of running out of time, of feeling like I don’t have the energy for it and comparing myself to myself and expectations around where I think I should be at versus where I’m at. So it really, really isn’t always about comparing yourself to others.

So when is it for you? If you have a menstrual cycle, is there a time? And if you don’t have a menstrual cycle, is there a moment where you feel or an energy that you can tap into and feel? Yeah, when that comes up for me, it really sends me into a bit of a loop. You might, as I’ve said before, feel it. When you’re around someone who you feel that you’re either at a similar stage to, or they’re ahead of you and then you contract and spiral and it can happen as well. When you’re doing something new, so new, uncertain, not proven, you don’t have a roadmap for how you’re going to go about it yet, you don’t have evidence that it works or that you’re capable. And so the fear of it not working or not living up to your expectations can just stop you dead and then you shut down. So I’m curious, if any, which one of these resonate for you? Because I resonate with probably all of them and have done over time.

And I do think it’s worse for women, as I’ve been saying, because we have this innate sense of just not being enough. And as children, we are taught to be perfect, and we are compared against our siblings and our friends and other people in the class. So this sense of measuring ourselves, measuring our abilities is innate. I think it’s from the moment we’re born, babies are compared by where they’re at developmentally, what they look like, how well they sleep, all of those types of things. And it just really stays with us.

I want to talk about how to release it and how to move through these feelings because it makes me really sad when I see people who are just so full of healing and knowledge and wisdom and are here to be leaders and they know it, but they’re just so afraid of it that they don’t do anything about it. So. And I see this over and over and over. There’s not one person in my mind who I’m thinking of. I see it so freaking often. And I just really want to add my piece into this so that hopefully something in this is supportive for you, to help you, to see if, how and when you shrink back and contract. And you have some. Some tools around how to actually move forwards. Because we need you. The world needs you so hard. We really need you. We need your healing, your magic knowledge, wherever you’re at. Even if you feel like you’re only at the beginning, you’re still ahead of somebody and somebody needs to hear it. So it’s important to fix this so that you can release yourself from this paralysing bind that keeps you small. It’s time to stop playing small. You need to free your energy and your mental load and your creativity so that all of the energy can go towards something useful. It’s time to step into your power. It’s time to do what you’re freaking here to do. Okay, so how can we go about it?

Heal the sister wound

The first thing I want to talk about is the sister wound. So I want you to tap into, really feel into, and you might want to close your eyes or even do some journaling around this. Understand what the sister wound is and where you are playing into it. The sister wound is what I’m talking about when I say that we are raised socially as females to be compared to each other, to measure against each other what we look like, what we’re doing, what our intelligence and capacity and skills are, our goodness, our worthiness. And you see it at school where kids will are pick on each other, will isolate each other, will turn their own insecurities back on the other person. And it can stay with us as core wounds. And it’s a patriarchal war tactic to divide and conquer, and now it’s internalized, and we’re doing it to ourselves. We don’t even need the patriarchy to do it. We do it ourselves from such a young age. So I really invite you to feel into, as hard as it might be, as much as you might feel called out with this. I don’t play on the surface. I’m kind of a deep kind of gal. But I want you to really feel into where these wounds live within you. You don’t need to go into the wounds of, like, what it was and what happened and how it felt, but just feel into where you’re still replaying these stories, or even you’re involved in dividing and conquering yourself, where you are holding on to these stories.

So there’s an expression about when you point your finger outwards to blame someone else, turn two fingers back on yourself. So it’s one thing to blame, but blame doesn’t help us in our power. It doesn’t help us heal and move forwards. What we need to do is turn our finger back to ourselves and look at where we’re responsible. What’s our role to play in this. How are we feeding this energy and these stories and these tactics? And when we look within, bring compassion. Compassion for all that happened, compassion for other people or the other person involved. Compassion for yourself and let yourself know that you are so safe. You’re so safe. And these times and things that have happened were at a time in life where you weren’t powerful, where your voice wasn’t heard and respected. We had to play into these games for survival. But now you’re a grown ass adult woman, a badass, a leader, and it is time to let it go. It is time to remember your power to stop these patterns and behaviours, to release these energies, and to be in your healthy, mature, feminine aspect. So maybe you can call on the. the crone, the wise woman, or even the wild woman to burn shit down and to just stop.

Cultivate higher emotions and raise your energy

The next thing is to have gratitude. So, you know, a lot of people talk about gratitude, but gratitude is a really powerful emotion. It’s a very high vibrational energy. So when they look at the, you know, with, like, all the machines and, you know, the science y side of energy, when they measure energy, gratitude has a really high frequency. And so guilt, shame, fear are very, very low, and they kind of weigh us down and hold us back. But gratitude can help us raise our vibration. It’s literally true. We all do vibrate this is not just woo woo talk, it’s legit. And gratitude, when we tap into those feelings of gratitude, whenever I do that, it’s like love. Love and gratitude and trust, but mostly love and gratitude.

When I feel into these, in my body, when I feel, I imagine I visualize who I love dearly with my whole heart and what I’m grateful for. I can feel a sensation and energy shift in my body. And as I put my hand on my heart and I breathe into that feeling and I grow that feeling and I let it radiate out from within me like a golden light. I soften, I breathe more deeply. Ah, I slow down. I feel open and expansive and floaty. And I can feel my energy. Like the bubble of my energy, it moves way outside of my actual physical body and out into the room on my posture. I sit up, I put my chest forward and my shoulders back, and my voice speaks clearly, my truth comes out. So I want you to really feel into what you are so thankful for, whether that’s other people or things you have in your life. But what’s more powerful is giving thanks for yourself, for all that you are already, right here and now, because no doubt, you are already enough. So feel into all that you are, the qualities that you admire in yourself, the things you’ve achieved, all that you’re becoming, the way that you help, just fucking love on yourself, hard. Admire yourself, be your own biggest cheerleader, give thanks and feel gratitude. And if that’s a bit of a struggle, then feel love, feel love, and let your heart open and expand. When we’re in that expansive energy, it’s much harder to be sucked down into fear and scarcity.

Leave your ego at the door

So the next thing I want to ask you to do is to leave your ego at the door. And what’s been really interesting for me is jiu jitsu, for me, has been a fucking metaphor for life. It’s hilarious. When you go to jiu jitsu, you have to leave your ego at the door. You have to go in and be humble, know that you don’t know everything and expect to learn. Because when you go in with an ego, you fuck up, you make mistakes, you get caught out, and then your brain isn’t really in your body either. You’re looking to prove something, you’re showing up, going, I’ve got to prove my worthiness, I’ve got to prove how good I am. And I guarantee you that somebody will take you down and they don’t even need to be better than you. Because when you’re in your ego, you’ve got a predetermined idea of what’s going to happen and how it’s going to go. And because you’re playing it safe, you’re trying to use the tactics that you already know, and then someone comes from nowhere and wraps their arm around you and chokes you out, and you’re like, oh, I didn’t see that coming. It’s like that in life and business. If you go in there going like in your ego about things have to be a certain way, you’ve got something to prove, then you’re not open to opportunities, you’re not adaptable. You’re not listening to what people want from you. You’re not seeing what’s right there in front of you, and you are not in your body. You’re in your head. That is when we are so much more susceptible to shutting down and getting things wrong. That’s when we’re not listening. That’s when we walk away going, ah, shit, I didn’t do, I didn’t go how we wanted it to go. So you have to be open to playfulness, to be curious, be willing to learn to see what’s right there in front of you, to take the opportunities as they come, and be humble, because people can also feel it when you’re in your ego. They go, oh, here they come. Right, okay, let’s, let’s watch this then. It’s almost like you, without saying or even doing anything, we can feel it. And people become adversarial, so they’re not open and willing to listen and lean in. They’re waiting for you to make a mistake. I think it’s just got so many analogies and metaphors and, you know, it’s just such a mirror. So I really remember the importance of being humble and leaving your ego at the door, both in jiu jitsu and business.

Self celebration.

This is like gratitude. I want you to really celebrate your own journey where you’re at, to just celebrate yourself right now, instead of waiting for that milestone, waiting for when I get to x point. Then I’ll feel why. Just know that you’re really on your path. You know that cliche about it’s the journey, not the destination. Well, it’s so fucking true, because often we don’t reach the destination that we think we’re going to get to. The destination changes the itinerary and the schedule comes along and, you know, planned departures get delayed or cancelled altogether and we can find ourselves. Just as I was describing how my work and as I’ve evolved. That’s changed too. If you’re like waiting for a destination, you just never feeling good enough. You really have to celebrate yourself as you go and in turn, celebrate others.

When you have a sisterhood of people, a support squad around you, when you celebrate them, you’re healing the sisterhood. So you’re healing the sisterhood wounds that we spoke about before. And you’re raising your own energy, you are expanding your own energy and you are calling in other people’s energy. And celebrations breed more opportunities for celebrations. When you make your energy more expansive and when you see in others their magic, people just want to support you as you want to support them. So we’re opening to receptivity, this whole energy of being open to receive and allowing ourselves to receive. Because as we celebrate others, they’re going to celebrate us. The more we can get used to accepting compliments, accepting competitions, the more we expand, the more we shift our mindset from scarcity to abundance.

Social media detox and boundaries

Something else I tried this year for the first time was to have some social media time off. I had holiday booked where I went overseas and I was offline for, I think about six weeks. In the end, I originally thought it would just be two weeks, but when I got home I was like, wow, that felt so good. I actually don’t want to go back online and it really took me a while to go back. If you’re somebody who finds yourself fixated, scrolling, like doom scrolling, but also looking at what other people are doing, if you’re looking at other people, you know, going back to the comparison thing and just feeling not enough, if you’ve got low vibrational stuff on there is going to bring you down. And I really do recommend curating your feed really carefully. So only having on there things that, that lift and open your energy that make you feel expansive or make you feel connected to humans. So even if you’re seeing things, there’s a lot of pain and suffering happening in the world. So long as you’re seeing people, then you’re not going into the comments and scrolling through all the hate, for example, then that’s really powerful. So remove people who trigger you or just mute them, there’s nothing wrong with that. Have real boundaries about how much time you spend on there. It’s really terrible for mental health. It’s one of the number one biggest issues these days. You know, we see it in children, but it affects adults too, 100%.

I often feel like I wouldn’t have had a business if I’d have not been using Instagram you know, I’ve been really, really working hard on connecting with my email subscribers. I share incredibly in depth, personal, inspiring, like wisdom filled newsletters on the new and full moon with my newsletters. And I, that’s my real place where I love to connect with people, as well as this podcast, of course. So I put less these days into Instagram. And when I came back to Instagram, I thought to myself, would I really have no business if I didn’t have Instagram? And I thought, well, I don’t actually think that’s the case because my community is person to person. It is people who feel me, who want to come closer, and they do that through my emails and they do that through my circles and my programs and the people that I’ve connected with in different communities online and in person, like the courses and things I’ve done as well. When you connect with people heart to heart, that is more important than connecting in a one way stream over Instagram. Instagram we don’t even have control over. Posts are getting seen less and less. I think when we pour all of our energy into Instagram, it can really, really put us into such a comparison place where we just feel not enough.


And then the whole topic of consistency comes up, which is just something else altogether. So really having boundaries around this can be really important. No, not can be. Are really fucking important. So if you’re not boundaried, make some serious rules for yourself about how much time and what you give over Instagram, because you can still have a solid business without it. So surround yourself as well with people on the same vibrational frequency of sisterhood, and that might well be people you have connected to online. And it can be the people around you in person.

Get an aligned, exapansive support squad

You might also want to really put yourself in a place where you feel that you’re surrounded by people who can expand you. So an expander and an expander community. And that can be like a mastermind. It can be like just a little group where you make a message group or have some reach out to somebody who you really admire and connect with and you message them personally. Whatever format this is, really surround yourself. All of these examples I’ve given you are about energy curation, basically. So really like calling in those who help you and expand you closer. I want you to know that mindset blocks are energetic blocks, but they’re not just in your head, okay? They’re in your body.

So changing your thoughts is really powerful, but it’s usually not enough to create lasting, meaningful change. You actually have to work with your body. This is embodiment. Understand the root of these blocks. Blocks and the root of these wounds and these patterns that you go through where you’re like, this happens, and then it makes you feel like this, and then you respond by doing that. And then before you know it, you’re over there and understand how that lives in your body. Because your brain is a fraction of your whole body, right? A fraction of your energy field. And actually the nerves of your body feed to your brain, and then your brain makes a decision about how to respond. So your body is where your nervous system lives as well, and it automatically responds in situations. We physically change our posture when we feel small or when we feel expanded. Work with your body is where we hold so much tension in our muscles, in our fascia, in our blood, in our bones, in our posture. Our body is really, really important. Mindset works important, but it’s the mind body connection that’s so important. And I’m a certified embodiment coach, and I always guide people through this because it’s like, okay, when we’re doing mindset work or energy work, it’s like, okay, where does it live? Like, rarely does someone say, in my head, it’s like, no, no, no. It’s in the heart or it’s in the stomach or it’s in their arm, or, you know, they feel it in their womb. It can be anywhere. It’s always the body, the root. And so when we do these processes, these energetic processes to acknowledge what’s there, we can liberate them, and then we can shift the energy, we can transmute the energy, and transmutation is that permanent change, and we can liberate them from our energy field so we’re not holding it anymore. And. And as part of that, we can rewrite stories. Okay? So mindset work is not enough.

And that’s why I really believe in this mix of cycle work, embodiment work, creating the structures and the systems and the processes that hold us in that masculine way so that from there, we can actually flow and create these ways of doing things that are all about connection and joy and speaking our truth and following what we’re really passionate about and doing it in a way that we’re not burning out. And it’s about having the right people around you who get it, who get the vibe, who are the vibe, who bring the vibe. The people who can lift you up and raise you up is absolutely fucking essential, especially if you’re just working like I am. I’m myself. I do have a VA but, like, you know, we are a solo entrepreneur working usually from home over the Internet. And even if we’ve got clients, when you have your own business like this, you don’t have, like, a team who you can go and talk to or a manager. Like, we have to make those decisions. And it’s so much quicker to move through all of this and to expand and to grow when we have this energy around us, this sisterhood of women on the same wavelength who are genuinely here to celebrate, collaborate, share, inspire and raise each other the hell up, and to do this mindset and energetic work as well, because, you know, you’ll find that you’re not the only one and that others are going through it, too.

And so it is possible to DIY, of course, and yet it’s always quicker when you’ve got somebody else holding that space for you. And I know it, too. When I have a coach, things just grow and flow so much easier. So, you know, I just think that it’s, it’s, it’s, it’s so important. So mindset, embodiment, work, cyclical strategy, work, leadership, let’s get going. So if you’re interested in any of this, I really want you to take away those tips that I shared for you. And if you want to go, you can catch the transcription, I put it onto the show notes, so just click through to the show notes if you want to scroll back and you’re like, what did she say again? You can see the transcript, everything I’ve just said, so you can go back and copy it, paste it, print it off or whatever to remember.

And I really encourage you to think about when these moments come up for you, of, fuck, I’m feeling that contraction, like my shoulders are rounding, like I’m bringing my hands over my chest, I’m tucking my head down, I’m avoiding the gaze, you know, and my head spinning round and round around, and to notice the pattern, notice what causes it for you. And then to tap into some of these practices, which are very much energetic and embodied, about shifting that energy. If you’re interested in joining the cyclical business mastermind, then applications are going to open up at the end of April 2024. We’re going to begin at the start of June when I get back from the UK. So May is going to be joining and me onboarding, you opening up the container, getting prepared, getting those foundations ready, so that come June, we can fucking go.

And for some of you, that’s going to be summer. For some of you, that’s going to be winter, and it’s going to be about really working with you and your cycles and seasons. So I’m not going to be there going, let’s go, let’s go. Hustle hard like you need to achieve XYZ so that I feel good about myself as a coach. No, I’m going to be there going, what do you want to achieve? What does success feel like to you? What’s really meaningful? What’s your timeline? No, no, no. What’s your actual healthy timeline? How can we really work with your cycle? How do you want to offer this? What do you want to create? How do you want to feel when you’re doing this? Now, let’s look at some strategies to help you do that. What feels good for you? Here, let me help you and give you the benefit of my experience. But I also really want to co create with you. So absolutely all of what you want to do is so important. I’m not here to do shit for you. I’m here to hold you through the energetic stuff so that you can come into your power fully, trust yourself, be opened and expansive and activated to create and lead, whatever that means for you in your own way, so that you can fulfill your desires of success and abundance, whatever that means for you. It’s all about doing it on your terms. I and your future sister squad are going to be here to really hold you. So pop your name on the waitlist, the links in the and you’re going to get the first VIP invitation to apply.

And when I say apply, I want to know who you are and what you value and what you’re working towards and where you’re at now and what matters to you, because I want to make sure that you’re the right fit and I’m the right fit for you. So, pop your details on the waitlist and I hope to hear from you.

And if this isn’t for you, then I hope these tips are helpful for you next time you feel yourself in this position.

Also, a shout out if you’re in the UK. I’m going to be doing a VIP day on Saturday, 18 May, in a beautiful yurt down in Bisley, which is near Woking in Surrey. And it’s a day where we’re going to be diving into these three pillars and I’m going to be helping you with your energetics, your mindset, your cycle and the structure to help you have a plan, a clear plan, clarity, high energy, to work in a very cyclical, honoring way and to feel like you’re supported to do that on your pace. So it’s going to be tools, strategies, the energetics and embodiment work, and just a beautiful time together. I really want you to come. If you’re in the UK, you can Saturday, 18 May there’s concession tickets which are now available as well, so I’ll pop that link in the show notes too.

Sending you loads of love. I hope that you go well. I hope you can really feel into the absolute possibility of doing business in this cyclical way. It doesn’t need to be hard or forced. It doesn’t need to make you sick. It can be abundant and spacious and easeful, but we have to do that deeper, energetic work so that we remember it’s possible, so that we can hold ourselves through all of this. And then you can show up to share and to lead with so much love. Until next time, thanks so much for listening to wild flow.

I love having you here and hope you loved this episode. If you did, please show your love by leaving a rating and review and share your fave episodes with your cycle and biz sisters and those who haven’t yet discovered the power of their body and cycle. This is how we collectively create, change and heal the sisterhood. It makes such a difference. Thank you for sharing. Haven’t discovered your cyclical leadership style yet? Take my free, much loved quiz now to receive your free, in depth playbook on how to up your sacred leadership, grow your business, and thrive by embodying your cyclical archetype. Go to charlotteponto.com quiz now. Until next time, be devoted to your body as guide and your cycle as oracle.

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meet your host

Picture of Charlotte Pointeaux

Charlotte Pointeaux

Charlotte Pointeaux is an Internationally Award-Winning triple-Certified Coach, Youth Mentor, Host of Wild Flow Podcast, a sought-after guest menstrual educator and speaker. She is a Shamanic Womancrafter, a Priestess of the Cycle Mysteries.

Charlotte’s work as a Wild Feminine Cycle Coach weaves together shamanic womb healing and rite of passage work with menstrual cycle awareness and feminine embodiment tools, to guide women through their transformational journey of reclaiming their wild feminine cyclic powers to expressing their big magick as a sacred leader.

Charlotte founded First Moon Circles®, a renowned facilitator training program, to train new menstrual educators to prepare, honour and celebrate children and their care-givers at menarche (their first period). To date, she has trained almost 100 facilitators across 5 continents and is on a mission to infuse families, friendships, classrooms and communities with period positivity and menstrually inclusive practices.

Download your free menstrual magick guide by subscribing to my newsletter, and discover my coaching, courses and short classes at www.charlottepointeaux.com/coaching.

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